Coming back to life

Well, it is time for another update to this extraordinary- but probably quite atypical – account. I am now quite relaxed about Jessica leaving me or going to meet the b/f for that matter. It is as if the chapter marked the end of my marriage has closed. Of course, there remains the divorce to be negotiated and I have no doubt that the other party is not simply Jessica but the b/f too – some cynics might think that she moves from one controlling freak to another perhaps.

Custody is resolved as joint for what it is worth. We aim over the course of the year to have the children for equal amounts of time which gives me some nice holiday spaces. I asked her to live in this area for five years so that the children would have continuity in schooling and we could be close but she said that was unfair to James. They plan to live half way between here and Wokingham – well within forty miles of here as well. I think around Stansted is on the cards. I still hate the thought of my son being rooted out of school for no good reason – he has friends there and is settled – but I’ve lost on that one.

One correction I should make is that James is married to Hazel not to Harriet – she is one of his daughters. I was going to write to Hazel and Jessica found out while rooting about in my computer and went completely ballistic. Her reaction was almost out of control and in terms of this breakdown that means near crazy. I think therefore that there is more baggage there than has been revealed to me previously. My plan was simply to say that I was not the psycho that James has presented me as. He claimed that my email to him included threats when he told Hazel rather less than all about the affair. Since the only threat was to send a few pictures to his wife I felt that was a little over the top and I fancied correcting the point. I also thought that Hazel and I would have a bit to chat about! But, apparently, that is not permitted!

Laughing apart, I am off to see the solicitor this week and the house goes on the market. The accountant is delving into the finances. It doesn’t take that long to unravel a life together when you get down to it. I am also beginning to think about being single and the advantages. Apart from the obvious, I might be entitled to a niftier car. I can also live in a tidy environment, find someone who flushes the toilet regularly, who hasn’t got foibles about bleach, air travel and pasta in tomato sauces and who doesn’t leave their dirty clothes in piles on the floor. It will also be nice not to live with someone who slopes off to use the internet while I put her children to bed and who has their mobile phone kept so private that there is a danger of losing it in bodily crevices! And, I won’t have to watch so much crap television either. Of course, sharing out the CDs will be more difficult.

Anyway, as you can tell dear reader, I am feeling a lot better in myself. If you found the rest of this account too mawkish and self-pitying for its own good then I’m sorry but I wanted a record of how it was and I expect there’s more shit still to come!

An Update

Well, there has been something of a gap in this narrative so I suppose I should fill in the spaces and update the account. First of all, an excuse. After being away and offline I came home with a raging virus and promptly lost my voice for a week. I was devoid of sound and could only whisper. What to make of that? How symbolic that my own right to speak was eroded just as the physical apparatus cracked up – you couldn’t make it up. I couldn’t argue, go to the solicitors or do anything and I remained mute for all of the Easter break. In between, I fevered and sweated and then developed a reaction to my antibiotics so that my skin started to crawl. How the fates conspire against us!

So, where have we got to? James the b/f now appears to be an item in our lives. Jessica pops off to Anita’s to spend the night with him while I have the kids at home. They have only managed a couple of nights and we are all dreadfully civilised about it.

You need updating about Harriet. The b/f has, Jessica’s story, had a long talk with her and they have agreed that they have fallen out of love. The saintly Harriet wishes him well - blah blah – and quite unlike the reaction of shithead Jim (the clear implication). Funnily enough, Diane next door added a footnote to this saying that Harriet was a good deal less saintly on the following day but I can’t vouch for that!

Where next? I still feel that I have to act. If I sit back, doormat style, I think it will be a week away next, perhaps a holiday with the kids, then the house move – all with me as the dumb (literally recently) onlooker. Of course, if I act, then I am the shit but I may have to take that. I don’t know!